Let's talk about gaslighting. What is gaslighting? And why do so many people not realise they're being gaslit?
A quick google search will define gaslighting as a tactic used to manipulate someone by psychological means in order to have them question their own sanity.
I'm ashamed to say, I have been a Gaslight victim, just like so many others I know. It's hard to understand when you look back on these types of trauma, as to why you would allow that to happen. Why would you let someone treat you in such a way?
Now that I have spoken up to more people about my experiences with gaslighting, I'm learning that I was far from alone in that boat.
When you're in the midst of it, you don't say anything about it. You cover it up. You even protect the perpetrator.
Gas lighting is the ultimate armour for a narcissist. In their mind they can do absolutely what ever they want and if anyone ever dares to even question their motives they just turn it around on the person that they've hurt, ultimately the person that is closest to them. Whilst this makes absolutely no sense to normal people, to a narcissist this is perfectly acceptable and if they're good enough at it, they never have to 'lose' an argument and never have to apologise. All at the expense of the mental health of someone who is silly enough to love them. In their world, they're winning.
Some examples of gaslighting;
They may tell you; "all of our mutual friends hate you and only put up with you for my sake".
After finding inappropriate inbox messages to a girl you've never heard of before, he might say "don't be silly, it's a girl a friend of mine wants to start dating but he wants to check out whether she is loyal or not first."
After emotional cheating acts, they might say it's because you don't give them enough attention or that you don't compliment them enough on their appearance.
And my personal favourite; they may tell you no one else would ever put up with you because you are crazy.
For a very long time, these comments and accusations will stick with you, you may be convinced that you don't deserve any better. You will probably feel convinced things will eventually get better. You might believe he'll change. We forgive too easy and we take the blame when they place it on us. We know deep down that we have not done anything wrong and we know this behaviour is unacceptable. But our hearts are too pure and innocent, no match for the narcissist.
The gas lighter will, place the blame wherever they can. They come up with incredibly elaborate and completely unbelievable stories, that eventually we accept because it's easier that way. They'll beg for forgiveness, without ever actually apologising and say it will never happen again. Just as we relent and agree to move forward from it, they'll undoubtedly ban you from ever mentioning the subject again. If ever in future something triggers us, they won't want to risk the truth coming out, so it's taboo.
Why do so many of us get caught up in this?
We get caught up in this big mess, out of love. Yes, the narcissist will target people with heart's of gold, they put on the charm, get you hooked and don't show you the other side of themselves until you're in too deep.
When you finally see the light and decide to end the carousel cycle, at first thought life may seem to be a battle. You might feel like no one will want you, that you can't fit into the ideal normal, can't provide for your family alone or that life will be a constant fight. But in fact, life gets better. You begin to heal. You realise all the lies are just that; lies! You are worth so much more than you have been given credit for. Things may come a lot easier than you expect. Remove yourself from these toxic situations and allow yourself to be happier, allow yourself growth.
Every single person out there needs to know that life is way too short to let anyone mistreat you. You can do anything you put your mind to and if anyone is telling you that you can't or that you could never without them, they're gaslighting you and they're wrong, turn their gas off and live your life. Kick butt and conquer, you are worth it, life is worth it.
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