Writing allows me to let out the thoughts that crowd my cluttered mind.
Sometimes I write only for myself, honestly I mostly only write for me. Then sometimes I let others see what I write too.
When I write it can be both an escape from reality and a way to come to terms with reality.
Sometimes what I write is completely imaginary, sometimes it's the honest to God truth and really it can be anything and everything in between as well.
Writing is my creative outlet, a place my soul feels safe. The place that I come clean and the place I lay all my cards on the table.
When I write I can express my passion.
I can let out emotion that is otherwise trapped within. I write about all the unspoken words that I have inside my crazy head.
Sometimes my writing is all things bright and beautiful, though sometimes it's deeper and darker than anything I'd ever say out loud.
I can write about the height of the greatest love I have ever felt and I can write about the lowest, dark corners of my soul, the ones that are covered in cobwebs and dust.
When I'm feeling overwhelmed, whether it be by happiness, anger, pride, betrayal, disappointment or love; I write. Something comes over me, I suddenly begin to string together words that I never usually could. I find a way to put all those big feelings down onto something permanent, I write them somewhere that I can read back at another time.
Now and then I find old books, note pads and even letters that I have written and I find things that I had completely forgotten then as I read them back I can remember exactly how I felt that day. It brings great comfort when I can see my growth. I feel warmth when I remember the most beautifully overwhelming moments that have passed. I remember how I survived even when at times I clearly thought I couldn't. I see where I have come from, all of the places that I have been.
One day when I do leave this earth, perhaps my words will be all that's left behind. I want any reader to visualise the metaphorical picture that I paint with my adjectives. I want the somewhat unlucky human that reads my writing to feel like they were there, like they've lived what I have felt, even if they hadn't. I want to articulate a sense of ownership to those that have in fact been there, the people that have also felt these things.
My words may not appeal to everyone. Just like art, music and food everyone has their own taste. But I write from my heart for myself as a release. I'm never thinking of who might read this, as I write it. It just flows out of me like blood from an open vein.
When I write I am the most unfiltered and confident form of myself, especially in the bits and pieces that no one is ever to see.
If you've never tried it, the next time you're feeling all the things that pain you to keep in, try to write about it, describe it. Put it on paper. Write until you have let it all out. Keep it or burn it. It might help. It might not. The only thing I know for sure, is that it works for me and it doesn't hurt my throat like screaming does.