It was the waiting.
The waiting and the thinking.
The thinking and the what if's.
Two weeks felt like months.
The pain of the deep tissue bruise reminded me that it was actually not that long ago.
Finally the time came, to see my specialist about the results from the vacuum biopsy.
As hard as I tried to be calm, the whole car ride there I was high on anxiety. What if after all this, the news was bad? The thinking, the waiting, the involuntary shaking.
The waiting room was cold and eerie. I feel like I was noticing more this time, than the last time that this building was once a picturesque 1910's home and the furniture probably hasn't moved since the 60's.
When the Nurse called my name, it was as if I floated over to the door. With my heart racing, I was looking at her face for any sign of a result. It wasn't there. Not a single clue, did she give me.
I sat down at the small round table and sank into the squishy upholstered chair. Did it feel like this last time?
The doctor wasn't in the room this time, like he had been the time before. After a few clicks on the computer, the nurse disappeared through another door to an adjoining room. I could hear my doctor in there.
In low voices, I heard the nurse and my doctor converse about my results. More waiting.
The short five minutes that they were in there felt like an hour, while I sat trying my best to eaves drop and prepare myself for what they had to say.
At one point I thought I heard one of them say "I don't think they got enough". Devastated I thought that meant more biopsies of my very tender, already bruised breast and yet again, more uncertain waiting.
A few more long moments passed before my doctor emerged and sat at the table.
It was all fast and downhill from here. "Great news! Your results are benign". I took what felt like the first real breath I had taken in a month. It's not cancer! I don't have cancer!
The doctor talked about the fact that even though this is benign and that's great, I do have a fibrocystic breast condition and this will place me in a higher risk category for developing breast cancer in future.
He gave me a referral for ultrasound in six months time and I was to schedule another appointment with him, for after that is done.
He said that going forward I can expect regular mammograms and that in his profession they remain pessimistic. This condition that I have will probably mean more new lumps and possibly more biopsies in the years to come.
But it didn't matter what he said about six months and a year from now because I was so relieved and so happy that right now and right in that moment, everything was fine.
After all the anxious waiting in the weeks prior, I was in that time warped consult room for no more than five minutes flat. And I walked out with a weight lifted from my shoulders and one less thing playing on my mind.
I'm sore and bruised. But the wait is over and I don't have breast cancer.
I understand just how lucky I am and with another brush with the serious reality of what cancer patients face every day, I have such gratitude for my health.
I am so greatful for everyone that reached out to me and showed me their support while I was afraid and I am so thankful for the beautiful friends and family that I have, willing to take time out of their busy lives to attend appointments with me.
As always, I still urge everyone I can to please keep on top of their health and follow up on time too.
Get your preventative scans and check up's.
Get to know your own body and how it changes and don't ignore signs of unusual change.
See a doctor when anything changes and if you feel dismissed, see another.
And for good measure, a list of symptoms that can indicate breast cancer;
~ A new lump anywhere in the breast, chest or under the arm
~ Swelling of the breast or nipple
~ Newly inverted nipple
~ Breast pain, redness or itching
~ Nipple discharge that is not related to pregnancy or breastfeeding
~ Dimpling to the breast
~ An unexplained sore on the breast or nipple that doesn't heal
~ A change in breast shape or texture
~ Swollen lymph nodes
Basically anything that is new to you and your breasts, just get it checked.
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